The Aniston Story

 I’m not the youngest to have ever faced this decision, but it shook my world and set me on a very different life journey.

 I was 21 and about to enter my last year of college. I would graduate with a degree from the #1 PR school in the nation, have played 4 years of collegiate water polo and completed a handful of internships that would get me my first job in Los Angeles pursuing my dream.

 All of my dreams, hard work and planning came to a stop in November 2009 as I sat on the bathroom floor in shock. My life changed, my dream job changed and my future shifted in one decision. To have my baby.

 But this decision not only changed my future career, it changed who I would become.

 I was raised in a home focused on Jesus and faith. But in college, my relationship with Jesus was tested and I pursued to be loved by other people.  I sought approval and admiration for all the wrong things. I chased relationships, success in my work with the intent that it would make me money in the future, and I wanted to be someone that you’d say, “I remember her in college, we knew she would do big things.”

 PRIDE. It got the best of me. It made me want material things instead of experiences, money instead of contentment and it took away the core of who I wanted to be.

 And so, God orchestrated a path that pruned my pride and re-focused my priorities.

 I have been surrounded my whole life by the Christian community where most are pro-life. I, too, have always been pro-life. But when I was the only person on the planet who knew I was pregnant and my entire dream life flashed before my eyes, and knowing I couldn’t have it if I kept this baby, I understood why women had chosen abortion.

 No one would have to know, I wouldn’t have to feel the shame of walking on campus 8 months pregnant or have to move home and not finish my degree, I wouldn’t have to tell my parents or worse my grandparents, I could live out all the things I had worked for and it could just be a blip on the radar.

 But my faith stood, the Holy Spirit came to me in that bathroom and reminded me of whose I was. I am His. I am God’s and before time began, He knew me and what my life story would be.

 I wish I could say that everything was perfect from then on, but the decision to have my baby changed everything. I ended up having to stay an extra year in college to finish my degree. Baby Aniston came with me to class and my water polo team became 40 of her closest aunts. I couldn’t move to Los Angeles after graduation with a newborn and a full-time job.

 Instead, I graduated and moved back home and pursued a different industry. I had days where I couldn’t understand why God would take away the thing I wanted most. I loved my baby from the moment she came into this world, but she was also the reason I couldn’t do what I wanted. My 22-year-old self had a hard time not being bitter.

 And then, God brought me Val, my husband. We had known each other for almost 10 years, but had never been in the same place to make dating a possibility. But here we were… in the same place, at the same time, available to date.

 And so, our love story began, but it was different than most. We never had a period in our relationship where we didn’t have kids. Aniston was on most dates and trips and always part of the decision of where we would live or work. 

 I am forever grateful to Val for loving Aniston and I. He has walked through so many days where my guilt of bringing a child into a non-traditional home was too much for me to handle. The guilt is overwhelming and makes me parent differently because I want to make up for what I didn’t give her.

 Aniston is mixed and has darker skin than me, which brings a new level of complexity.  There are moments where Aniston and I are at school, and kids tell her I can’t possibly be her mom because I am a different color. Or, the pest control man asks her if she is a neighbor as she walks through her own home.

 The dynamic of parenting and having more kids is complicated and not left unscathed.  I have ideas of what a step-father should be and I force them on Val and hold him to some unrealistic ideal. 

 I want the best for both of my kids regardless of their genetics. I want to raise them to be good humans who are loving and kind and find beauty in diversity.

With all that said -- all the hard times, the feelings of guilt, the overwhelmingness and even times of pure anger -- I wouldn’t change my decision. I know that my decision made an impact on just about every aspect of my life.

 But Aniston is worth it. She was a human from the day her heart started beating in my belly, and had a future from the day she was conceived. She will make a big impact on this world -- for mixed girls and kids with different backgrounds who don’t have their mom and dad in the same house.

 She is the reason I have my husband and my current career, and I am able to write to you and tell you don’t give up.  Whether you’re facing a pregnancy, a lost job, divorce, a medical issue – God Loves You. He will meet you in that dark space and bring you into the light.

 Aniston is now eight-years-old and as I reflect, I can see how every turn in my journey lead me here. I am a far different person than I would have been had I never had Aniston. It is worth it.

If you need someone to talk to, I am here, without judgement. I have walked the path and I will walk it with you.

Victoria lives in South Florida with her husband, daughter and son and their three dogs.  She works full-time in marketing for a large logisitics company and has a side hustle to exercise her creativity. You can find her running her kids everywhere, grabbing groceries at Trader Joes, taking a yoga or spin class and at @theReadyMom.